Hi, I'm not close to your age, but I do remember how I felt
then. It's very hard for us (people with the cleft) to see a huge
change after a surgery. I remember always hoping the next surgery
will be the "miracle surgery", and take away any sign
of my having been born with this. I still sometimes hope that
(I'm 32, by the way).
You might see that all of your surgeries have had an
accumulated result, in other words, each surgery was a necessary
(sometimes small) step, in the whole process of correcting the
cleft. If you have pictures of yourself from before and after
each of your surgeries and compare them, especially the first and
last photos, I'm sure you'll see a result.
I'm not going to tell you that after all of my surgeries that
you wouldn't be able to tell I was born with a cleft. Only after
I turned 29 did I realize that I may not be "perfect",
and I also realized that I no longer cared about being
"perfect". I enjoy my life as it is, and without having
been born this way, I probably would not be the person I've
become.
Because of how surgeries were done when I was 13, I had many,
many "small" surgeries. The result I have now is
probably as good as most children are ending up with nowadays.
The medical advances are really amazing. I know how you probably
feel really self-conscious. When I was younger, I wished that my
parents brought me to a counselor that was in the Cleft team of
doctors and specialists. These feelings are really a lot for any
person to deal with. It doesn't mean that you're not normal, or
that you need help, but it may protect your self-esteem and make
you feel better. I wish I had the opportunity then.
I think also it helps to communicate with others who were
born with a cleft, so you don't feel like you're the only one.
Maybe you should ask your parents to schedule an appointment
with your doctor (surgeon), even though you haven't been there in
3 years. Tell the doctor what is on your mind; tell him what you
are not happy with and what you would like to have done. If you
do not like what the doctor can offer you in the way of
treatment, find another doctor. I'm sure you can get some sort of
recommendation either through this website or another one. It's
your face and body; it's important that you have done the work
that will make you happy. No one else can tell you how you look
or feel; only you know.
I hope this has helped a little. Good luck to you!