adult cleft lip and palate perceptions

[lwhite2756@aol.com]

I am interested in hearing some feedback from other adults
with cleft lip and palate...How have your feelings changed about
this as you've gotten older? I know that I am much more
comfortable with myself these days, at 27. Occasionally I will be
very self conscious, but I find that it doesn't last as long as
it used to. It has been helpful to read other perspectives on
repair and additional scar revisions. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I feel very similar to you. As I have gotten older, I have
become a lot more accepting of myself, as a whole person, cleft
lip and palate and all. It's been a lot easier since I've come to
feel this way; I am a lot more relaxed and I think in turn,
people respond more positively toward me.



I have to say, in my opinion, I am far more realistic in my
self perceptions and accepting of myself than my friends and
aquaintences who were not born with this.



When I was a teen-ager and college student, I really hated
the way I looked (every aspect-I saw no good). I never thought I
could ever feel positive about myself. Now, when I critique
myself physically, I can actually admit I have a number of
attractive features and some not-so-perfect ones. I'm not sure
what changed. It's just a lot easier to accept myself, not fixate
on things I can't change and just go on; plenty of people do.



Those are some of my thoughts on the subject. Hope they were
interesting. Good luck to you in your continued journey toward
self-acceptance.

[DJones]

I am a happy, young woman (23 yrs old). This ia a message for
those parents whose children have this condition or those adults
reading this message. I have never felt that it has gotten in my
way. It is a part of me. Honestly, I have had chances to repair
my upper lip more (beyond basic reconstruction), but actually
prefer to have my mouth more like _my_ mouth. Having eschewed
more extensive cosmetic surgery, I still sometimes feel strange,
but I have gotten used to my upper lip.



-Djones

[younge@bergen.com]

I'm a 29-year-old female with a bilateral cleft lip. My most
recent of about nine surgeries was in December; the procedure
corrected sinus problems that were the result of clefting.



Only in recent months have I become more accepting of the way
I look. I'm more adept at applying makeup and trying to draw
attention to other areas of the face -- e.g. the eyes.



I believe my parents did their best for me, as did my
doctors. That said, I doubt I'll ever be comfortable with my
face. It goes beyond scarring: The jaw, of course, did not
develop correctly, and neither did the nose. So my profile
reflects that flattened appearance so common among the clefted.



In the past few years I have seen several surgeons, looking
for the one who will perform miracles. Each has said it truly is
the end of the line for me, and so now I concentrate on a ...
hmmm ... less angry? less harsh? ... way of evaluating my
appearance.



Most important to me is to live without regret.

[TMARA BAKER]

I'M A 22 YEAR OLD WITH A CLEFT LIP AND PALATE. MY PERCEPTIONS
ON MY BIRTH DEFECT: I AM VERY SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT MY APPERIANCE
AND THE WAY I TALK(VERY NASALY). SOMETIMES IT HOLDS ME BACK FROM
DOING CERTAIN THINGS LIKE SPEAK PUBLICALLY. IN GENERAL JUST
SPEAKING TO SOMEONE I DON'T KNOW I WILL GET EMBARRASED ON HOW I
SOUND TO THEM.

[Anonymous]

I am 27 also with a cleft palate. Have my perceptions changed?
maybe, but then bullying and teasing is less when you are older
so I guess that changes perception.

[Beth Ellis]

I am so happy to finally find someone my age who wants to talk
about how cleft lip and palate has affected their life! I am 25
years old and was born with unilateral cleft lip and palate. I've
had six surgeries and two wonderful parents who helped me endure
it all with tremendous love. But still, the emotional scars
remain and my self esteem is not what I would like it to be. I
can never quite allow myself to feel really beautiful, because no
matter how many people tell me that they don't really notice the
scars, I still do. I'd love to hear from others who share my
story. It helps to know you're not alone.

[Bernard, H.]

Dear sister, you are now lucky that you lip is already
corrected to the extent you accept.Yes, you should not regret for
any thing.You should, any way, realize that you must be more
beautiful than you think about yourself.Just feel confident,
sister.Now you may need a good friend and he will improve your
perceptions about your self. I read your experience and felt it.
Because i have the same problem.I have ceft cleft.I am man of
27.Hopefully I will have operation soon to improve the appearance
of my lip.My nose is also slightly deaformed.As I grow the scar
on my lip has become more and more clear.Now I am a little bit
worried.I am in the netherlands at the moment. I would appreciate
if you can share yoyr experience on how long the operation takes
and any other information you might think is important.



respectfully yours, Bernard

[threelivers]

I am 47 yrs old & was born with bilateral cleft of the lip and palate. Hubby was born with unilateral cleft of lip and palate. We have one child cleft affected.

As a child, teen and young adult I thought that being born with a cleft was the worst possible birth defect. It took both of my children being born with severe liver disease that required liver transplants to put a cleft into proper perspective. Now the only time I think of my having a cleft is when I am in a medical situation, especially if I'm in the same waiting room as plastic surgery, elevator with plastic surgeon, oral surgeon, etc.

I am amazed at how far plastic surgery has come since I was born.

[KeepSmilin']

I'm a 34-year-old woman who was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate. And my husband and I are expecting a son in July who also seems to have the same...and we can't wait to meet him!!!

It's funny, because, until we found out about our son, it had been years since I'd really given my repaired cleft lip and palate much thought. I mean, sure, I look in the mirror and see the scars, or think back to moments in childhood when I had surgery or was teased...but...it's been a long time. It's not part of my daily thought process. And that's not to say it's not a big deal or to make light of it. But, my attitude is that everyone has something--whether it's on the outside or the inside. And our "thing" just happens to be smack in the middle of our faces kinda hard to miss I figure since there's not a darn thing I can do about it, I might as well just charge right on ahead with life otherwise, I'd miss it and that would be the REAL shame...not what's in my mouth.

Also, I found that keeping myself in good physical shape has helped my self-esteem, too. When I'm eating right and not overweight, I feel great about myself and I'm smiling and other people really seem to pick up on that. And exercise makes your body produce, what are they called, "endorphins" I think, which actually make you happier.