Concerned Friend

[Anonymous]

I've never visited this board before. I guess Ive just never
had a reason to, until today. My best friend is due in a couple
of months. She just found out yesterday that her baby will be
born with a cleft lip and palate. I do not know what to do for
her. This is her first child.I know that in time it will be
mostly corrected, but what about until then? How will I be able
to help comfort her? What do I say? You know-I have a 4 year old
that was born 2 months early and had a high risk of some kinds of
birth defects but, he is fine. Sometimes we take alot for
granted!!!!I guess my question here is, what can I do to help
her? I honestly dont even know what to say. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Just offer help like you would even if she wasn't haven't a
cleft palate baby she can do alot of finding out now before she
has the baby and it will help I think I would have felt alot
better knowing that my son would be born with one it was hard but
I had no family or friends to help well I can't say no one I had
one friend that would help with the most frusting times so just
be there to offer some helpping hand every once and awhile

[KarynMadis @aol.com]

When my baby was born 6 months ago I had no warning he wld
have a cleft and I was devastated. You work so hard to have a
healthy pregnancy and then to have something come out from no
where.She will have alot to deal with. One thing that has helped
me tremendously was getting educated via the internet. She should
start asap reading and writing down her questions for the doctors
because she'll have to make some decisions for the baby in terms
of surgeries it will need, feeding methods etc. God bless you for
being such a caring friend.

[Kara]

I have a perfect little boy that is now two and a half months
old that was born with a cleft lip and palate. We found out two
months before he was born as well. I have a close friend who was
at loss for words when he was born. But, since then, she has been
the biggest support for me. Just remember when dealing with her
newborn that it is just like any other child and doesn't know
that it is different -- so treat it the same way you would any
new baby. Feeding may be difficult and don't be afraid to jump in
and learn all the dynamics. I could go on, but basically just be
a listening ear. When my son had his first surgery about a month
ago she was there to support me once again. Keep in mind that
this defect will be an ongoing process and she will need support
throughout her childs whole life and not just in the beginning!
Good Luck!

[ag856]

Hi! I was born with a cleft lip and palate it's hard to deal
with and there is really nothing you can say. I'm sure your
friends child will come home from school crying because someone
hurt there feelings kids can be very cruel but I am now a
freshman in high school and 14 years old. As kids grow up the
names stop but you will here every name plus some. But tell your
friend that the scars go away and you learn to let the name
calling roll off your shoulders I have had six surgerys and you
can barely tell anything was ever wrong with me. I hope this
helps your friend

[ebonierik@netscape.net]

One thing that I found that helped alot when my son was born
was talking to my grandmother, who was dying at the time. The
spring after my son was born she found a book titled " The
Cleft Palate Story" by Samuel Berkowitz. This book was put
together by a group of doctors who specialized in the different
aspect of cleft repair. Maybe you might consider getting this
book for her. My sons' doctor know Dr. Berkowitz. He doesn't care
for him personally but he said that he is a good doctor.Just try
to be there for her. She's going to need alot of emotional
support in the years to come. Good luck. Lori