Cleft Palate

[jewelz78@hotmail.com]

HI, I am 13 years old and was born with a cleft palate. I have
had 5 surgeries but I dont think they have been sucessful, well
to me. I dont talk to my parents about it, because it's kind of
strange and I haven't talked to my doctor in about 3 years. Is
there anyone else close to my age out there..?

[Anonymous]

Hi, I'm not close to your age, but I do remember how I felt
then. It's very hard for us (people with the cleft) to see a huge
change after a surgery. I remember always hoping the next surgery
will be the "miracle surgery", and take away any sign
of my having been born with this. I still sometimes hope that
(I'm 32, by the way).



You might see that all of your surgeries have had an
accumulated result, in other words, each surgery was a necessary
(sometimes small) step, in the whole process of correcting the
cleft. If you have pictures of yourself from before and after
each of your surgeries and compare them, especially the first and
last photos, I'm sure you'll see a result.



I'm not going to tell you that after all of my surgeries that
you wouldn't be able to tell I was born with a cleft. Only after
I turned 29 did I realize that I may not be "perfect",
and I also realized that I no longer cared about being
"perfect". I enjoy my life as it is, and without having
been born this way, I probably would not be the person I've
become.



Because of how surgeries were done when I was 13, I had many,
many "small" surgeries. The result I have now is
probably as good as most children are ending up with nowadays.
The medical advances are really amazing. I know how you probably
feel really self-conscious. When I was younger, I wished that my
parents brought me to a counselor that was in the Cleft team of
doctors and specialists. These feelings are really a lot for any
person to deal with. It doesn't mean that you're not normal, or
that you need help, but it may protect your self-esteem and make
you feel better. I wish I had the opportunity then.



I think also it helps to communicate with others who were
born with a cleft, so you don't feel like you're the only one.



Maybe you should ask your parents to schedule an appointment
with your doctor (surgeon), even though you haven't been there in
3 years. Tell the doctor what is on your mind; tell him what you
are not happy with and what you would like to have done. If you
do not like what the doctor can offer you in the way of
treatment, find another doctor. I'm sure you can get some sort of
recommendation either through this website or another one. It's
your face and body; it's important that you have done the work
that will make you happy. No one else can tell you how you look
or feel; only you know.



I hope this has helped a little. Good luck to you!

[AG856]

Hello! I am 14 years old and have the same problem you are
having i don't know what ot say to my parents all i know is what
it is and how it happens. Please respond maybe we can talk later.

[pdholo1@tiger.towson.edu]

Hi there. If you really don't think u're surgeries were
successful, change your surgeon. But to tell you the truth, at
your age, most of the surgeries aren't going to change your
appearance dramatically, they are just steps in the big scheme of
things. After you stop growing (16) then you are ready to have
any major work done. Like, jaw surgery or nose surgery. I have
gone through all that and I know i'm not perfect (my nostrils
aren't symmetrical and my lips look too thin and unsymmetrical
without lipstick and lip liner), but I am pretty and there is no
reason you shouldn't be as well. The technology out there is
great and wonders can be done. Have faith and just live each day
as it comes and make the most of it! I was always just waiting
for my next surgery so I could look better. Now I am very happy,
but I wish I could go back to high school (when I started to
realize how different I looked from others) and not get caught up
with my looks so much. I should have participated in more school
activities and made more friends, cause i always though people
wouldn't want to be my friend, but that was all in my head. There
are nice kids, u just have to open up and not feel so
self-concious (I don't know if u r, I'm just speaking from my own
experiences). N e way, if you have any questions or insecurities
at all, please ask me. -Pareen Oh yeah, I was hesistant to speak
to my parents because I didn't want them to know I insecure and
ugly I thought I was, cause they were always telling me I was
pretty and all that. The truth is, parents always think their
children are beautiful, because they love them. But parents want
what makes their children happy, and if you sit down and tell
your mom that you don't like this or that about your face, you
guys can talk about what can be done and then when u're ready you
can have surgery. Try and talk to your mom and be honest, it will
make you feel so much better.