effects on the family

[Stephen Heleniak 11-4-98]

I would like to know how a child with cleft lip and palate
effects relationships between family members, such as mother and
older sibling. I would also like to know how it effects
characteristics of a family.

[Lisa Matthews]

I am a rather new mother my daughter is 3 mos. old and was
born with a cleft palate. Her facial features are fine, but the
inside of her mouth is abnormal. For the first month of her life
my husband and I didn't even talk about it. Now I found out that
she wasn't getting the proper medical treatment and because of
that she did not gain wait her first three months. My husband and
I are finally talking about it and able to discuss our plans and
feelings. It's very difficult emotionally to even admit that
there is something wrong with your baby. I still have a hard time
dealing with the emotions surrounding this. Also since medical
science doesn't know how this could of occurred I go over and
over my pregnancy wondering, just wondering if it was something I
did, or didn't do. However you can never have the answer to the
question. Also the thought of my little tiny baby having to go
into surgery in the next year just makes me cry. I'm a christian
woman and I believe in miracles but this has been a complete blow
to my faith in God. I still believe that God is in control of her
and me, but its hard to when I see her throat. As for the effects
on the family all the family calls now for daily or bi-daily
check-ups on Cassandra's feedings and the main question is "
has she gained weight yet?"



I too was glad to find this sight it offers hope and insight
to other people with this problem. I would love to chat with
anyone regarding this and how they deal with all the
complications and emotions.



My e-mail is lisamatthews_98@yahoo.com

[ccro100539@aol.com]

hello lisa, well im a christian woman myself and like you it
was a complete blow to my faith also when i found out my daughter
has a imcomplete cleft lip.she is 11mos now. it took me 2 1/2
years to get pregnant and i prayed and prayed about it but this
has been so tramatic for me. my husband doesnt talk about it
either. i try to discuss it with him but he doesnt respond to it.
he is very worried about her self esteem and other kids he wants
her to go to a private school. (that wont keep her secluded i
know). well i too am glad i found this site it keeps me going to
know im not alone. would love to chat with anyone who can share
their story. i have not yet regained my faith where it once was.
my name is yvonne and am struggling in colorado.

[Sandra Jacobson]

My family has been very supportive. My mom is a sensitive
person so I'm sure seeing the pain I felt growing up(I have a
bilateral cleft lip and palate)was difficult. She taught me to
know myself. As a child she aided me in giving class
presentations reagrding my cleft, I was able to educate my peers,
and avoid some teasing (not all, but some). Here's a funny story,
my sister was mad at my mom for a long time because we never ate
barbacued ribs, only recently did she learn it was due to my week
teeth. It was funny to hear her say this, I'm now 24 and she's 21
so It tickled me that she never realized what was going on- she
just didn't see the differences like that. I admit I am very
lucky! I don't know much about what my Dad felt or feels but the
pictures in my baby book say a lot! Unconditional love really
exisits!