by joanndanelski@netzero.net » Mon Oct 23, 2000 6:59 pm
Our 4 grandchild was born on August 7th, 2000 and she has a bilateral cleft palate. We were all devastated to hear this and it broke our hearts to see her. None of us was aware of such birth defects, other than hearing about them. We had never seen a child with a cleft and we were just not prepared. We spent lots of time crying and searching for information. Our little Mallory is now 10 weeks old and is doing great. She is almost 10 pounds and she doesn't think there is anything wrong with her. And we are all doing better. I can't say that we don't have concerns, and still worry about what she will go through, but.....we love her and she is building a strength in our family that, I believe, is going to make us all stronger. I am a cancer patient, and when I was diagnosed with the cancer, our world was pretty much tipped upside down. We have two sons and they were pretty scared about what the future would hold for us. I am a non-smoker and had a spot in my lung........I had felt fine.........when they did the surgery, they found the cancer throughout my lung and ended up removing it. We were devastated. I survived and we were getting adjusted when two years later, they discovered the cancer in my remaining lung. Once again, we were devastated. But now, I am convinved, God allowed the cancer to help make us stronger.................that was 8 years ago. My tumors are still there and occasionally they grow but are growing at such a slow rate that they do not cause me any problem. We have three grandchildren that I babysit for and just adore. When our Mallory was born...........we were presented another challenge. But, I know we can get through this. Feeding is a problem and our son and his wife spend most of their time just caring for little Mallory. They have two other daughters. In fact, when Mallory was born and we got to the hospital, everyone was kind of sad, and I was upset......I thought they were sad because they had a third girl.............later I talked to my son about that. He said when he saw Mallory's face, the farthest thing from his mind was what sex she would be......he just was not prepared to see the cleft palate and I think he was a little in shock. They have a long road ahead of them with lots of stress. But I know God does not make mistakes. I wonder why He allows such things when He is a God of healing and love, but I know we will understand this, too, someday. It is not meant for us to understand now and that is why they call it "faith". We have to just believe it is part of life's plan for us and that good can come from it. I know it did in the case of my cancer and I would not trade a thing in my life. Your child is a precious gift. And as natural as it is to feel saddened by the extra care it is going to take to provide for this baby..........this baby is trusting you to do just that. And this baby will love you unconditionally. We hope you are doing okay and know how hard it is. We watch our children struggle with this. You can't get through it alone, so don't be afraid to reach out and let others know your hurts and let them help you. That is what this life is suppose to be about...caring about our fellow man. If we can be of any help, write. Our little girl will go to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester on Nov. 1st for her first surgery. We are all very nervous about it. I am staying home with the other girls and my daughter-in-laws parents will go with them to the hospital. We think it is better for the girls to be home than at the hospital.......at least this first time. Her second surgery might be before Christmas at which time she will need to stay longer and we may all go then, or take turns being with mom and dad and Mallory. We'll see. I would guess that your baby is ready for surgery. They say 10 weeks, and 10 pounds. Do let us know how you are doing............we would love to share.