LOOKING FOR NEW PEN'S FRIENDS

[GIO]

Hail to all the administrators and the users this site. My name's Gio and I'm an italian man 31 years old (excuse my bad english). I live for several years deep crisis of anxiety and depression essentially correlated to a un-realization in those that I believe the fundamental fields of the life of a human being: the professional one, the sentimental one and that of the real and deep friendship.
I was born with an aesthetical anomaly named: "cleft of lip and palate" corrected surgically with results more than discrete under the aesthetical and functional point of view. But despite this, my existential run is however done (basically) of anger and suffering; of frustrations and discriminations.
If my anomaly hasn't penalized too much my infancy in the social integration with my contemporaries, I've started to accuse the emotional negative factors above mentioned, from the age of the puberty.
For to cure them, I attended several psychotherapies (individual and of group), I made prescribe to myself (from my physician) some psyco-drugs (like the Valium), I've read numerous books on the self-betterment and self-esteem, but despite all, I don't succeed still to absorb in rational manner every kind of refusal that our Society inevitably gives, above all those in sentimental field.
I'm inclined to digest with much retard and much difficulty, my infatuations toward women for me unreachable (for a reason or for an other and I am not refer me to the TV's Stars or of the cinema, but to common people). Although I realize that, also me, although with a light diversity, I could have my portion of happiness and having the right to a more active social life, I don't succeed, though, to concretize this awareness.
I live frequent thoughts of suicide and only because of my cowardice, I don't transform them in facts. I consider me basically a person "banally" reliable and tiredly sincere. Normally, I don't sleep sufficiently and my sleep it's discontinuous. It's broken often from strange thoughts of death or illness, above all concerning myself or the people who love me (although this love is from me reciprocated).
I finish here my messages, excusing me for to have dwelled. I looking for an interesting exchange of experiences and possible counsels (also via e-mail) with people who have lived or is living psychological-existential similar difficulties to mine.
I greet and I wish to all you a good prosecution of day.




GIO <gianni68@mailcity.com>