Hints Wanted To Support Expentant Mother

[Leah]

My best friend is about to be the proud mother of her first son. "Jack" has been diagnosed with several craniofacial defects, including cleft lip and palate. After reading through messages on this site and others, I realize I don't know as much as I thought about his condition. His mother told me he scores an 11 on a scale of 1 to 10.
My question is, what can I do to be supportive for my friend? I would love to hear from parents about what they heard from friends and family that comforted them and what they heard from these well-meaning folks that they just as soon could have lived without.

[bluenose1@home.com]

Hello, your post mentioned several craniofacial defects. Can you be more specific? My daughter has an extensive facial cleft and is undergoing a lengthy reconstruction, but she is doing fantasically well with it all. I don't know wht to say to your friend, and I think it is wonderful that you wnat to support her. I know I was worried that my family and friends would reject us but in fact they came in droves to congratulate us and offer a lot of love. They also always treated my little girl like any other baby, and so she was treated normally with all the joy that surrounds a birth. That was probably the most important way they supported us. Just by behaving normally toward us. If your friends would like to talk more, there are a couple of great email discussion groups online for other craniofacial conditions -- apert and crouzons come to mind. They are both at *.org and easy to find.
Please let us know how your friend is doing and feel free to contact me if I can help further.
Sincerely
Pat Bacon, Calgary, Canada

[bluenose1@home.com]

there is a wonderful article in the New Yorker magazine, published last summer I beleive, about a little fellow born with Fraser syndrome. It was a great article and I would be happy to share it with you, if you would send me an email address. Very positive perspective and a boost to the spirit. Let me know. Pat