Advice for an Adult ... feels like child

[faerieflora@hotmailcom]

I am a 25 year old adult female who has had a pretty great
life even though I was tormented as a child because of my cleft
lip and had many scarey hospital stays. Most people I know say
they can barely notice and it usually doesn't come up. Yet last
week I found myself crying in the bathroom at work, because some
person I did not know very well asked me if "I had been hit
in the mouth with a ball" I was so caught of gaurd I didn't
know what to say. I felt like I was back in grade school. This
person has asked me stupid ? like this twice. How can I answer
him without going into detail when I don't want to even speak to
him. I'm so happy to have found this site. It's great to know I'm
not alone.

[Calvero]

I know that feeling...well, sort of. I'm 26, born with cleft
lip and cleft palate and I have had people tell me they don't
notice, but every once in a while someone asks. If they ask
politely and they sincerly want to know, I tell them and it
doesn't bother me. I much rather them know the truth of why I
look the way I do instead of them thinking of whatever kind of
reasons their imagination comes up with. It's been some time
since someone has asked in a teasing way...then again it's been
some time since someone has asked about it in any way.







But I can certainly relate to reverting back to my teenage
days. When someone stares at my face, I begin to feel
unconfortable. And if it's a group of people and they begin to
laugh I really get bothered and usually try to hide if I'm able
to. I have a phobia of going out in public by myself because of
those type of reactions. My husband has a hard time understanding
this, telling me that I'm an adult now, and that my "being
teased" days are in the past and that I just have to get
over it. I am better than I was but I still have some ways to go.




Calvero

Born to be Cleft

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[Anonymous]

Hi, Plain and simple.. Say "I don't feel like talking
about it." Those kind of people aren't worth your time.



Kristi.. who tells it like it is

[am gula]

I can relate. I am a 33 year old female who was born with a
bi-lateral cleft lip and palate. I had many surgeries, went
through all sorts of emotions and thought I was at the point
where I could deal with anything that came my way (in regard to
the cleft). About 2 years ago I was out shopping with a friend,
who I knew for about 3 years then. Though we were not that close,
we had common interests and hung out every few months. I was
completely stunned when she asked me: "What happened to you?
Where you one of those 'forcep' babies?" At first I was
confused because I wasn't sure what that even meant, but figured,
based on experience, that WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO GUESS WHAT HAPPENED,
THEY ARE USUALLY SOOOOO WRONG! Though I tried to imagine what she
was asking, I asked my older sister anyway. Even she was hurt and
upset. (By the way, I ended that friendship that day) I believe
our reaction has to do with HOW people ask questions. Asking
"What happened?" is different than "What happened
to YOU?" and also different than "What happened to you,
did you fall off from a tree?" I just rememebered something
my mother told me that had happened when I was about 1 years old,
in the physician's waiting room. A mother of another child asked
my mother smuggly "Oh, did she fall out of her high
chair?", to which my very quick, sarcastic mother answered:
"No, she fell off her bicycle!" Unfortunately, humor
doesn't come along at needed times like when someone asks
something stupid. Just remember, you are truly not alone. And
like another post says, you don't owe anyone you don't like an
explanation. It will give you more control over the situation, no
matter how bad it is. Take care.