I was born with both a cleft lip and cleft palate and although I'm 28 now, married, and a parent, I still work on my self-esteem.
Where the hurt comes from is the teasing that happens in school. Too many kids for too long make fun of how we talk (I finished speech after graduating elementary school, junior high is when the teasing began, and still sounded "different") and what we look like. There's the lip scar and facial Structure is sometimes different. Since I had a cleft palate, the repair wasn't elastic enough to let by top jaw to grow out, which lead me to have a jutted out bottom jaw and no cheeckbones. That looks strange to people when compared to others in school. I did get my jaw repaired, but wasn't able to until I was 16, just before my senior yuear in high school.
And when there's no one else around that went through it, it can bring on lonliness (not always, but sometimes). My family were/are very supportive of me and continue to love me unconditionally, and tried to help as much as possible, but without someone who has "been there, done that", it can be very isolating.
Encourage your kid to get involved with activities, and get connected with local cleft familes, not only for yourself, but for your kid. If he ask questions about his cleft, talk about it in an educational way, don't ignore or change the subject. This helps prevent them feeling like it's something to be ashamed of. Believe it or not, I still talk to my parents about it (how they felt when I was born, different questions about my surgeries, family and public reaction, etc) and I'm still learning new things.
Also let him talk out any pain he may feel when going to school and being made fun of... don't brush that aside either. Sometimes saying "Just ignore them...they don't know you that well" isn't enough at an early age. Where I am now in recovering process it works, but not too well when I was 11. An 11 year old rational thinking is different than an adult.
I hope this helps explain some
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_smile.gif)
Kim,
The Cleft Club,
<a href="http://cleftclub.cjb.net">http://cleftclub.cjb.net</a>