Self-Esteem

[Michelle]

Our son was born with a cleft palate. He will have surgery in a couple of weeks to repair the palate. While we are well aware of the possibility of speech and dental issues, I am concerned about all the information I've read about children with cleft palates growing up with lack of self-esteem. Once the surgery is done and with speech therapy, what would cause an 8 or 10 year old to be affected by self-esteem issues? Be assured that I am not being critical of anyone who does have esteem issues, I'm just unclear what effects of the palate would be lingering at that age!

[Anonymous]

well, unfortunately, from my experience being born with a cleft, a low sef-esteem comes witht the territory of being born with a cleft or any other birth defect in mind. you can't really avoid it but what you can do is work around it and try and make the best of what we DO have. i'm in my late 30's and still till today, i struggle with my appearance. what helped me through it all is the fact that my parents love me unconditionally. And also, friends i've become close with. in my opinion, you really have to surround yourself with the right people. they are some that will not accept our looks, they are some that will.


good luck!

[Calvero]

I was born with both a cleft lip and cleft palate and although I'm 28 now, married, and a parent, I still work on my self-esteem.


Where the hurt comes from is the teasing that happens in school. Too many kids for too long make fun of how we talk (I finished speech after graduating elementary school, junior high is when the teasing began, and still sounded "different") and what we look like. There's the lip scar and facial Structure is sometimes different. Since I had a cleft palate, the repair wasn't elastic enough to let by top jaw to grow out, which lead me to have a jutted out bottom jaw and no cheeckbones. That looks strange to people when compared to others in school. I did get my jaw repaired, but wasn't able to until I was 16, just before my senior yuear in high school.


And when there's no one else around that went through it, it can bring on lonliness (not always, but sometimes). My family were/are very supportive of me and continue to love me unconditionally, and tried to help as much as possible, but without someone who has "been there, done that", it can be very isolating.


Encourage your kid to get involved with activities, and get connected with local cleft familes, not only for yourself, but for your kid. If he ask questions about his cleft, talk about it in an educational way, don't ignore or change the subject. This helps prevent them feeling like it's something to be ashamed of. Believe it or not, I still talk to my parents about it (how they felt when I was born, different questions about my surgeries, family and public reaction, etc) and I'm still learning new things.


Also let him talk out any pain he may feel when going to school and being made fun of... don't brush that aside either. Sometimes saying "Just ignore them...they don't know you that well" isn't enough at an early age. Where I am now in recovering process it works, but not too well when I was 11. An 11 year old rational thinking is different than an adult.


I hope this helps explain some


Kim,
The Cleft Club,
<a href="http://cleftclub.cjb.net">http://cleftclub.cjb.net</a>

[Michelle]

Thank you. I appreciate your comments. However, I was inquiring specifically about cleft palate only. My assumption is that a child with a cleft palate only will not be "obviously" different from his peers. Again, I don't want to appear insensitive, but I'm just trying to wrap my brain around this. My son has a cleft palate only. He is having that repaired and apparently in a lot of cases if the palate is repaired properly, the child will not have any speach issues. I guess I was just under the assumption that once his palate was repaired (and possibly some orthodontics) that he would be just like everyone else. I certainly don't see any difference in him, other than the fact that he occassionally has milk come out his nose. I certainly don't treat him any differently than our other son. So, can someone please tell me the lasting effects of a cleft palate only!


Thanks!


Michelle