Cleft Lip & Palate - The Story - and the sadest si

[Your friend raviv lerner]

Hi to all of the pepole!
my name is raviv lerner, 22 years old from israel.
and i live in israel.
i has been borning in my life with cleft lip and
palate. i've made until now 13 surgries, it's was
very tothhard for me. i still don't understand
why it's happend to me. i also has something to tell you, i have 1 brother and 1 sister and me of course. but we should have be more one brother,this brother didn't had the luck to be with us. my mother has been afraied after that she birth me, since she thought that the next baby will be just like me. so she didn't birth him. i know this since 5 days. my sister and brother don't know this that we should have another 1 brother but he is not exzist with us.
it's very sad, i told her why she did it? and she
told me that she afraied to birth him. now i think that this is my fault and i gillty about it. but she say that it's not my gillty. now i'm
keeping it's in my hart all of my life. if i has been born normally therfore our brother was going to the world in the stumic of my mother.
well, i made 13 surgries , 2 of them before 4 month,1 in the nose and enother in the thrut for fixing the speech which people couldn't understand me. but now everything is fine.
my dream is to meet people and young teen which borth with the cleft lip and palate and talk with
them about the sitsuation that all of us in it.
by the way, i have wide knowlege in computers,fixing them and there operation system.
i also know to talk spanishespaniol language since that somebody from the side of my fother birth in argentina bounes aires.
i also thinking to create a new web site which will talk about the cleft lip and palate in my country and in all other countries.
thanks allot for listenning to me , i love you all , be strong ! from your friend raviv lerner in israel.

[Carol]

Dear Raviv,
I know how sad you must feel about your brother that was never born. Please do not feel that this is in anyway your fault. This was your mothers decision and I am sure if was a very difficult one for her.


My daughter is 11 years old and was born with a cleft lip and palate. She is doing fine but will need more suregery in the future. I hope she doesn't end up needing thirteen surgeries. You must be very brave to have gone through all of that! Good luck to you Raviv!
Carol

[from the U.S.A.]

If you are interested in chatting with other adults born with clefts, you should join this club: <a href="http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/thecleftclub">http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/thecleftclub</a> Membership is free and all you need is a free sign-on name from Yahoo. Their are alot of great adults in their 20's chatting there. I hope you will like it!

[Tina Douglas]

I am so sorry to Hear of your struggle. My son was born with a cleft lip. We did noy know until he was born. What a surprise. We have learned so much about life since he blessed our lives. I feel there is nothing I can say to ease your sorry. I do feel the only one who can is your mother. I can speak to you as a mother. Just like yourself, your mother blames herself about this deformity. She carried two children in her belly with the same problem. Your mother helped you survive. She faced alot of challenges to do this.
She probably felt SHE was the one who was not strong enough to do it again. Never blame yourself for other peoples actions. They make the decision to do it. You do not have to accept your mothers decision, but you do have to live with it, so does your mother. That is why she told you. You are her strong child. She wants your compfort in this. Please do not beat yourself up about the brother you never knew. All of you will meet at heavens gate. Be there for your mother. Let her be there for you.
I hope you will update me.
Tina

[Anonymous]

Tina,
What a beautiful response to a very sad post. Your son is lucky to have a mother like you. It is great to know how a cleft situation can be reasoned from a mother's point of view. You said it so eloquently. Be well.