Feeling alone

[bonanza@nvc.net]

During my first sonogram the technician informed us that
we were expecting a little boy and after having three girls we
were overjoyed.Then on March 20th, 2000 we were sent for another
sonogram because I was not measuring as big as I should, then
we were notified that our soon to be born son had a high probability of being
born with a cleft lip and possible palate. We had a few weeks to get
used to this news. On April 17th 2000 Austin graced this world and our
family weighing in at 7lbs. 7oz. I can remember hearing my doctor
say, "He does have a cleft lip and palate." I was feeling so many different
feelings at this point that I did not know what was the strongest.
Even though this was my son, I couldn't help look at him and not see
this hole in his face. I felt alone. My mom was there to support me,
because my husband was two floors below us in another hospital room,
with pnuemonia and the doctors would not allow him to be with me during
delivery. I wanted my husband there to hold me and tell me that everything
would be alright when all I could do is talk to him on the phone.
It was three days before my husband would actually get see his first son besides in
pictures. Austin is now one month old. I don't even see his lip anymore, I see this
beautifull little boy who his mommy loves very much. Austin is his Daddy's pride and
joy. My family is really good about Austin but it is my so called friends that aren't
Everyone keeps telling me that not to be ashamed of him, I wasn't that was until a "friend"
made the comment about not parading my son around and if I did then she would tell me where to
go. I felt so utterly lost at that moment. I have now chalked it up to someone who has very little
compassion and a very small mind. Right now we are preparing for Austin's first surgery in 6 weeks to
repair a unilateral cleft lip and palate. What I feel alone about is I don't know anyone who has went
through what we are facing and can share their experience with us and to let us know what to expect in the future.
Please help. Thank You. Anna

[Anonymous]

Hey hang in there our son was born just two days ago with a double cleft lip. We are lucky because my wifes sister had a child with the same thing. It is amazing what they can do with surgey

[hey]

having a child with a cleft is going to require a lot of careful observation on your part. People with any kind of facial difference are treated differently. You have to make a commitment to be super supportive of Austin no matter what the world says. People who look "ok" can't believe or truly understand what it means not to look perfect. You should read articles on the web concerning this. By the way I believe that "Moses" in the bible was thought to have had a cleft. Best of luck. These experiences are what make us better!

[jamesgor@hotmail.com]

I can only say as the son of and father of a bilateral cleft - Hang in there, find the best surgeon you can interview around and meet several to find the one that best matches your style and who is compationalte and caring and preferably specializes in clefts. Look to your heart you have a beutiful child that has a totaly correctable problem. My father was a successful economist and had 5 beutiful and successful children with a badly scarred face and an incompletely repaired palate (his repair was done in 1928 and followed on through the 30s with additional surgeries). My son has had both his lip and his palate repaired to the point you have to look closely to see the scars. his palate has been closed and he will have a long road ahead and thank God he has the best mother and family around that he does because they will help him to know that no mater what the problems he has they have been over come in the past and he can over come them in the future. You are the mirror that you chile will see himself first in not your friend not, the world. If you give him a foundation to start from then to hell with what every one else may think!!!!!!