Having Kids

[Rohan]

I am 24 years old. I've had corrective surgery once but unfortunately there remained a fistula. Since then I've no type of corrective surgery. I can say that I have managed to live with the way in which I was born and maybe on some occasions have actually forgotten that I have such a abnormality. But there is someone who will always remind you that you are not normal most times it has been by those who do not know that there is such a birth defect.
What has bothered me for some time now is that there is a very good chance that this birth defect can be passed on to your children. I am still single and not involved in a relationship either. But I keep wondering if I do get into a relationship and things do become serious whether telling that person that our children could be affected with a Craniofacial anomaly would cause an end to that relationship. The other is the feeling of guilt that you have caused your children to go through life with something you wish you were never born with. Knowing that maybe if you had not wished to have kids, this situation would not have arisen. The problem is that I do wish to have a lovely family someday. Please could someone who had faced such a dilemma tell me how you dealt with it.

[Tina]

Hi!! I had a baby on January 3rd that was born with a cleft of the soft palate. At first I blamed myself and wanted the doctors and specialists to tell my that it was my fault, at least that way it would be easier for me to handle the diffuculty that my baby was going through. This was suppose to be a problem that was more prone to be inherited, but nobody on myside or my husband side has it.
After I accepted that it was not something I did, but what God intended, it made it alot easier, and knowing that it can be fixed. Everytime I look at that wonderful, little person that I brought into this life all the other imperfections are over looked. Being a mom is the greastest love that you will ever feel. I always tell my husband I fell in love with you day by day but with our children it was a instead love at first sight. I guess what I am saying is that children are worth it unless it is something life and death threating for you or your baby. You sound like a strong person, God doesn't give us more than we can handle although sometimes it feels like it. The good always over-rides the bad.
Good luck hope I helped???

[Melanie]

Hi Rohan!
My second daughter was born April 23, 1999 with Pierre' Robin Syndrome and a soft cleft palate. I was devistated at first, not knowing who to blame or why this happened. These things are said to be genetic/inherited but no-one in our family was affected. Our child was born just the way the good Lord intended. He never gives us more than we can bear. When you find your life partner they will not care whats on the outside, for true love is based on what we see INSIDE eachother. All children are special. I never dreamed my child would have problems, but she sure has helped me find hidden strengths I never knew I had. My life moto has become "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger." Its never wrong to desire children and theres never a guarantee that they will or will not have birth defects. Its a chance all parents take.


God bless you.


Melanie - mom of Savanna
gopredators@earthlink.net

[stephanie]

hi rohan! i was 18 when i got pregnant with my son cody. everything was going good until one day i went for a routine ultrasound-after a few minutes of scanning the nurse told me to sit tight she was going to find a doctor...of course my first reaction is he was dead.. i cried and screamed, the doctor and the nurse returned and she started pointing at the screen. still crying she took me back to the cold little room, sat me down and told me there was a possibility he would be born with a cleft lip. i wiped my tears and said "oh, thats it! Thank God, I thought my baby was dead." she smiled and said "he's perfectly healthy, after a few surgeries, no one will ever know." i was very thankful i found out before all the stresses of delivery. he is now 10 months old and you would never know that he had one. there is so much they can do these days, if your child is born with a cleft, so what-be glad that that is the least of your worries, and when it comes down to having kids, dont let it stop you-it can happen to anyone. good luck in the future, and stay strong...

[Barb]

Hi Rohan, I am 36 and single female with unilateral cleft l @ p. I often think about not having children. I want children and all the mothers that have babies with a difference love them and I would too. But speaking from an adult view who has gone thru the braces and surgeries and teasing and wondering why, and still alot of ignorance in this world - I don't know if I could consciously have a child KNOWING that there is a very higher than average chance. If I didn't live it, I would not think much about it. But also let me point out that I am successful and attractive, and live a full life. And now surgeries are done very early, even at birth I heard. So, I am confused when it comes to having my own children because I think I would have been even more successful than I am now. And what my mom had to go through was very very very hard. Please keep in mind that I am only giving my viewpoint and not being harsh by any means.

[Lisa]

I agree with Stephanie..My son was born with a cleft lip and in the grand scheme of things, it could have been alot worse.
We all have things that we pass on to our children,seen and unseen. Yes you should be truthful when the time comes but it shouldn't stop you from having children.
Things have changed from 4 years ago in regards to surgery,etc. Good Luck