Getting over fear of meeting people, and Support Groups

[mm3@ucla.edu]

Hi, my name is Michelle, and I'm 19 years old. I was wondering
if anyone could give me some advice on how to alleviate my fear
of meeting and getting to know people- especially the opposite
sex. Since I was picked on a lot as a child, I still have a huge
fear of being judged by how I look. What can I do to help with
that? Also, does anyone know of a support group for people with
cleft palates and a speech therapy place in the LA area? Thanks!
Michelle

[Kristi]

Hi Michelle! I don't know if I can really give you great
advice, but I can definitely identify with what you're talking
about. I'm 20 and am in college, so we're probably going through
a similar place in our lives right now. I still constantly deal
with those feelings of insecurity. Even though I've been told by
friends and family that I look great and don't need to worry
about it anymore, the feelings of panic and fear when I'm meeting
new people hasn't left me- it's kind of like it's this automatic,
gut reaction now. Sometimes I'm not even consciously thinking
about them noticing my scars or anything, it's just this
underlying insecurity that is always there. The only thing I know
to help is to take it one person at a time, and to purposely push
yourself out of your comfort zone and act with an air of
friedliness and confidence- even if you don't always feel it,
hopefully it'll come over time. Something I've learned is that a
lot of the time, when I thought people didn't like me or had
judged me by the way I look, the only real problem was that they
were alienated by the walls I had put up around myself- I was
just afraid and trying to protect myself from getting hurt, but
it came of as simply being unfriendly and aloof. The whole thing
is still something I deal with daily- I wonder often what it
would feel like to live completely free from that fear- I really
hope that things only get better for you! If you ever need
someone to toss ideas and thoughts around with, I'd love to talk
with you! In His love- Kristi (kristinasullivan@netscape.net)

[George]

Hello Michelle,
I am 29 year old, and I share something like what you said, I don't have enough information about you personally, nevertheless, I think because we are Humans-as opposed to Martians- we have many things in common, for example, it hurts if someone steps on my toes, I have a choice to understand , but I might just choose to blast over them... someone else might choose something different.
I have a big nose, I am probably my worst critic, when I say that to somebody that I really don't feel confident because of my big nose... they say but it suit your face, and your face looks OK. but I don't believe it, only when somebody says somethingn mean about my nose I decide to beleive them! how fair!!!


slowly I began to realize that it's not my nose and people dont' really take that much of a time to think about it, it's only me...


and I think all of us -humans- do the same, we are our own wrost critic, -in most cases at least- no body thinks of me as low as I think of my self sometimes, I try to deny that, but it's obvious by the way I behave.... but consider the following,,,


You are the only YOU that you are going to have in this life, so No matter what you are, Take it, and Be Really happy. cause only when you accept--- meaning stop saying and thinking Bull**** about yourself, but being kind rather---- you will start to appreciate that you are AS Unique As Your Finger Print, now show me someone else on this planet - or any other planets- that have that finger print.


why is there fear, it's essentially the fear of being rejected, but if you accept yourself, meaning that you will stick to who you are no matter what people think... because it's the best you can be at least for the moment, if that's not good enough for them, well they have to look somewhere else.
If you'd take my word for that, most of us are so indulged within our selves, we really don't care for others, we only CAST on them what we think of our selves, that alone should scare the hell out of us....


So to do One instant-effect move:


DROP THE JUDGMENTS -that is the beliefs that you have about things- and give yourself a chance to learn again, to really examine the reality of things, and if you make a mistake SO WHAT! it's not important, You are important-as important as All the rest of us- be kind to yourself, and you will see people become kind to you, because you will be kind to them...


Be Well

[tbozjbh@hotmail.com]

Michelle,
I'm a 20 yr old male from AL. The best thing to do is believe in yourself and not worry about what the people you are meeting think about the way you look. I used to have a problem looking people in the face due to my problem, but i've simply gotten over it. If you believe in yourself it doesn't matter what that person thinks about the way you look.